Story of an Avatar

by Mistress Sarah

Disclaimer: These are not my characters. They are owned, copyrighted and created by far wiser people than me. I have attempted to bring them back to life for a short time, attempting to ease that gaping hole in my heart where B5/Crusade once was.
Note: Series is NC-17. m/f, m/m.
Archiving: SW and the WWOMB archive.


I was lying in someone's bed, covered by blankets, and I was too exhausted to notice much more than that and the fact that I really, really hurt.

In fact I couldn't even hear Ship, a fact that normally would have terrified me, but I just couldn't summon the energy to panic. There were the voices again, and someone was being verbally drawn and quartered. For once, I wasn't the one being hung, so I just tried to snuggle tighter into the blankets as I was cold.

The Ships must be recouping from their furious flying, as I was not filled to the brim with Ship-Lust. I was ready, and primed for my Master's attention, but it was now merely an ache needing to be filled, rather than a burning fire.

"Shocky!" The voice growled again. "Don't you remember anything from Command School?"

Someone sat on the bed next to me, and I felt my eye being pulled opened. He wasn't very gentle, but I managed not to moan while he poked and prodded.

"Eyes dilated, glassy, skin's pale, diaphoretic. Your ship has been through the wringer, Matthew, didn't it cross your mind that your Avatar might be affected adversely?"


Now I recognized the voice as being General Edward Ryan's. I had been in his presence several times before today, and he had been polite to me, and to the other Ship's Avatars present also. The General-Master had taken several minutes of his valuable time to talk to the Avatars, asking each of us questions such as if we were well cared for by our Masters, and did any of the crew members hurt us? Were we being abused?

Of course, the Avatars stuttered nervously while they tried to assure General-Master Ryan that no one would dare do to that to them. Captain-Master Gideon had glared at me, while I was being questioned, silently warning me that one wrong word and I would be screaming in pain until the universe ended. So I lied, trying to assure the General-Master that I was not ill-treated.

Among the Ship-Avatars he was rumored as being the most eccentric of Masters when it came to dealing with the Avatars. Ryan hated unleashed Telepaths, as a group of them had killed his wife and children, but he was the most considerate of our Masters when dealing with the Leashed. I had heard it whispered that he had even struck one of his crew who had dared hit the Alexander's Avatar! He was her Master and no one ever touched her except for him and his Ship's Assassin.

The Alexander's Avatar was rumored to have a room of her own, with her own bed. She would never confirm or deny that when we asked her about her Master and his oddities, simply saying that whatever her Master decided, she would agree with, as every Avatar must. Ryan dressed her in jewel tones, while the rest of the Avatars wore black, beige or other dull colors.

He supposedly had even named her!

When I had first heard that, I had been envious that she had earned a name. A real name, not a derogatory nickname like Spot or Fifi.

Her name was Lyta, of the Alexander, and I was bitterly jealous of her.

Matthew Gideon I

I wanted to tell Ed that I didn't know a goddamn thing about Avatars, and how the hell was I suppose to know that JT was going to be shocky after our fire-fight? At least my ship wasn't rocking anymore, instead the Alexander was crooning to it in a version of Shadow Pillow Talk, while the Victory and a few other female ships guarded the old male Shadow Ship as he delivered us to Babylon 5.

Crooning. Shadow ships CROONED to each other, which drove the sensors crazy!

Un-fucking-believable. Almost as bad as Shadow ships fucking.

Anyway, Dureena had wrapped John up and put him in my bed where we had found him.  Ryan had been annoyed with the two of us, and had given us both a tongue lashing that I wouldn't soon forget . Dureena had seemed quite happy to escape from the room after his blistering tirade. His Avatar had followed us to my quarters, and was standing quietly in the corner of the room.

It had taken a bit of effort, but Ed and I had gotten the nearly comatose JT out of my bed, and stripped him then placed him back into my bed. The two of us discreetly ignored the fact that my Avatar was being affected by the rampant rutting Ships that were currently entwined.

Damn it to hell, he wasn't placed in my bed for my enjoyment, was he?

Ryan appeared to be the one person in the universe who seemed to treat the Avatars decently, but I couldn't trust it. He was a General, after all in the motliest group of irregulars I had ever seen, in which the Senior Officers ran everything by force or coercion.  While Ryan seemed generally considerate of the young Avatar who was lying in my bed, I still held grave doubts about his true feelings. Then to top it off, apparently, my alter had served with Ryan on the Alexander early on in his career, so he treated me like an old friend whenever he wasn't cursing me out. Or maybe, he was treating me like a friend when he was cursing me out, as Eddie had the reputation for being a bit of hot head in my universe. Ryan poked and prodded at JT, finally declaring him shocky and then he told me off again.

Then he spoke to his Avatar. "You will attend to him, and heal him. He is young, and hasn't experienced this before. I do not want to lose him, do you understand? Our Guides will no doubt want him bred so we do not lose his gene codes. The Excalibur's Avatar has got heart, fire and brains. There is only one other in the fleet that could have done what he did, fighting off fifteen ships by himself until help arrived. I know you could have done that with the Alexander. Perhaps, Avatar, the Guides will combine your code with his, as that will result in a Ship's Avatar unlike any other."

"Yes, General-Master. Avatar understands completely." Her voice was soft as she answered Ryan but I think she blushed in pleasure as she had felt complimented by his comments of combining her DNA's to John.

"Good. I knew you would."


She was next to me, the Avatar of the Alexander, and she was examining me.

We can talk mind to mind, little one.


The Guides don't know that when the Shadow Ships are fused, the Avatars are able to talk to one another telepathically. Or perhaps they know, but they do not care.

Lyta? Is it true your name is Lyta?

Flash of pleasure and pride.

General-Master calls me that. He is most kind and generous to one that is unworthy.

Pain. Oh the pain, Lyta.

Shhh.... I will do what I can for you, little one, and we will talk soon.

Matthew Gideon I

Ryan was rubbing the scar on his face with his thumb and he seemed to be oblivious to the fact that he was doing so. The two of us were sitting at the table in my kitchen, and I was pouring drinks for the two of us.

"Name your poison, General."

"Matthew, are you angry at your old poker buddy? General? You never call me General in private." Ed sighed, and I waved the bottle at him. He stopped rubbing his scar, quickly named his drink, and I decided to make it a double for both of us. He drank it hastily and I filled it again.

"Ed, don't do shots. Neither of us are young enough to do that, without making a ruckus among the NCOs. They won't be happy carrying you back to the Alexander. Yes, I thought you were angry with me, I haven't had you yell at me like that before."

Actually, the few times I had met Ed Ryan in my universe, we had exchanged a few pleasantries and moved on to mingle with other people.

"Four more days until we reach Babylon 5. Hopefully the Others will stay on their side of the universe."

I recognized that Ed was making small talk, so I nodded my head in agreement. He'd talk when he'd want to, and not before.

"It really upsets me to see the Avatars mistreated. There are Captains in this fleet that abuse the Avatars. I've heard rumors that would turn your hair white. Sex-Slaves, whipping boys, punching bags, and other things. There was even a few rumors that one of them sired a child on his ship's Avatar. Thankfully that didn't happen, as I could just imagine what the reaction would be to THAT. Telepaths are goddamn dangerous, and I remember daily, that by the Grace of the Great Maker, and a few changes in my genetic code, I could be wearing those implants."

"I ask any Avatar I come in contact with, point blank, if they are getting maltreated, and they all lie to me and tell me that everything is just fine. The last thing we need is a bunch of Avatars that want to rebel against the status quo. If they actually thought on it, I'm sure that the Rogue Telepaths would be willing to help them.  Those damn Rogues killed my wife and children in an uprising all those years ago, and I haven't forgotten that."

"Ed..." Feeling uncomfortable with how this conversation was going, I wasn't sure what to say. What does one say to a man whose long term grief for his dead still affected him this badly? He thought I was his Matthew Gideon, a long time friend, and I was afraid of possibility of a misstep.

"I know the Excalibur is a new ship, and your Avatar's young, but remember. Treat him well, and he'll do everything to keep you alive, like he did today.  Abuse him, and he might make that split decision that might not be in your crew's best interest. I've treated my Avatar as best as I've could since I stepped foot on the Alexander, and she's pulled my ass out of the fire more times than I can count."

"I'll do my best, Ed."

"I know you will, Matt. Thank you for listening to the ramblings of an old man. I know you don't agree with me on that particular subject, but you're always been polite enough or rank savvy enough not to disagree in front of me. Now, are you in the mood for a few rounds of poker? Nobody wants to play with me on the Alexander except for Randy, and I'm a little rusty."


Shhh... I'm going to give you a few IVs and some medication, so soon you'll be feeling better, little one. You did a wonderful job today. General-Master was most impressed! He even told the Guides that you should be used in the next generations of Avatars! He rarely makes suggestions into the breeding program, but the few suggestions he made the Guides agreed upon.

That thought normally would have filled me with pride that the Guides had looked upon me with favor, but not today.

Lyta... I'm so tired.

It's normal.

I can't hear... Ship. I try and try to reach her, and she doesn't answer.

She's wounded also, and the Alexander is keeping an eye on her. You both were hurt badly, and you both need to be consoled and soothed.

Oh? Is that what I was feeling?

Flash of embarrassment. Laughter. Tinges of amusement.

In a way, I suppose.

Lyta. I sensed you... and the General-Master... sharing intimacy?

Ah. The Alexander affected me, and my General-Master is most understanding.  I normally do not share his bed, but on the rare occasions that I do, I try to give him happiness. He is a solitary man, full of unhealed wounds and endless grief.

You love him?

I will answer that, after you answer me. Do you love your Captain-Master?


I do not love my Master, but I am grateful that I am his Avatar. My former Master was most cruel to me, and it was only random luck that I ended up as General-Master's avatar.

I was growing sleepy, and Lyta seemed amused.

Do you want a bed time story? Like when you were back with your litter mates, and your bad dreams had scared you.


When you had a bad dream, your litter-mother would calm you, promising you a ship of your own one day, and a Captain-Master that was kind and generous... and you'd live happy ever after. Flying your ship, with never a wound to you or your ship.

Lyta, I loved those stories. Foolishly, I hoped that they'd come true.

So did I.

Alexander Avatar - also known as Lyta

I was a little more than a teen when I was selected to be merged with the Alexander.  It was during a flare up of our war against the Others, and the Guides had decided to step up the production of our fighters.

Being the youngest selected to be merged with a ship, had found me eager and frightened at the honor. The Alexander and I were deemed to be an acceptable marriage between Ship and Avatar, and the link had been formed. I had enjoyed learning to fly linked with the Alexander, and the wonders of being linked to a Ship. Not just any ship, but MY ship.

My first Master was Hague. He was brooding and angry, and I was terrified of him.  I felt his hands upon me frequently, and my fear of him increased. I was never fast enough in my reactions to his commands, and he would hit me to speed up my response time.

"I can't believe the Guides gave me an absolute idiot as an Avatar, Ryan!" Hague had roared that at his second in command, a young Lt. by the name of Ed Ryan.

I secretly liked Ryan. Sometimes he would walk to my station, and thank the Alexander and me for a good job. He never hit me, and occasionally, when he returned from shore leave, he would bring me gifts. Sometimes it was sweets, and sometimes it was just a pretty knickknack, which I immediately hid from Hague-Master. I didn't want him to damage the gifts I had been given, as what if Executive Officer Ryan thought I had ruined them through being careless?

"It's a shake down cruise, Lt. Colonel. A few quirks are expected during this time frame." Ryan had answered that calmly, and I had been grateful for his words of support. While I knew he was just calming down my Master, I had been grateful that his words hadn't inflamed my Master against me.

"I don't want quirks. I want reliability. I want dependability. I don't want eccentric, freaky things happening on my Ship. I want to know that when I need the Ship-Avatar to be acting as an unit, that the Mental Mutation is acting like she's supposed to be."

Ryan said no more, and I felt the Alexander touch my mind. He was like a puppy with a cold wet nose, still youthful and exuberant, and the Alexander tried to cheer me.

I'll work harder, I'll be better, don't cry Avatar. Lt. Colonel-Master will be happy with us, as we'll work together more efficiently the next time. We're still young! He needs patience with the two of us, and he won't be disappointed.

Hague dismissed Ryan, and he started on his paperwork, blatantly ignoring me until it was time for bed. I had been standing quietly in the corner, waiting for his further instructions when Hague started talking.

"I am most displeased with your performance. Therefore, you will not sleep here tonight. Perhaps one of the crew will let you stay with them. Get out of my sight, you disgust me."

Leaving his quarters, I had wandered the ship's hallways, trying to find someplace to sleep when several Marines had found me. Realizing the predicament I was in, they offered me a trade. Entertainment for them, and a place to sleep for me.

Ruthlessly they had enjoyed me, and then they had given me a place to sleep on the floor of one of their quarters. No blanket, no pillow, but I didn't cry for the Alexander was in my mind, soothing me, and reassuring me that tomorrow would be better.

Tomorrow wasn't always better for Hague had dark mood swings, veering from cheerfulness to anger quickly. One moment he'd be happy with something I had done, the next minute he would be offering me to whatever crew member had earned his approval.

I was well sought after as a reward, as I had been rigorously trained by Morrison-Assassin in the art of courtesan pleasure. Hague had been displeased with my innocence, and had ordered the innocent appearing Devil to train me. After six weeks of the Assassin-Monster's intense tutorage, my new found knowledge had impressed Hague greatly and he had decided to share the wealth with his crew.

Except for Ryan, who refused to touch me.

"I'm married, sir," was his answers to whenever Hague offered me to him.

"Your wife will never know, Ryan. You're a stick in the mud."

Ryan took Hague's comments easily, and he held his left fist up. He pointed to his wedding ring, and he gently chastised Hague for his comment. "'Til death do us part,' I promised Maggie, and that's what I'll do. Besides, I don't even think she's eighteen years old! I know it doesn't matter to some people, but I'm almost thirty years old, Lt. Colonel. Children don't interest me."

"Lord, Eddie, you've got morals. I think I might faint."

As my link with the Alexander grew stronger, I became more comfortable with the choices and decisions I made. Hague no longer cursed me out in front of the crew, instead I earned a grudging respect from him, which for me was like receiving diamonds and jewels.

He still abused me physically, but I tried to pretend that it didn't affect me.  Nighttime found me in his bed where Master made use of my body for his enjoyment. I grew resigned to it, accepting it as my due in life. It didn't hurt, physically, unlike the first few times with him as he had been inpatient and brutal with my inexperience and naiveté. The Monster's schooling had fiercely promoted the concept that pain could be turned into erotic pleasure, and I was grateful for those lessons, even though I had wept when I had been schooled. When Hague-Master fiercely flew me, I secretly pretended that he was someone else, and that my Master was loving and kind.

The Others stirred up the Unleashed Telepaths, and all hell broke loose. First it was a simple raiding parties, attacking small colonist outposts quickly, using stealth techniques to raid and run. Then as they became more aggressive and surer of their success, they moved to bigger planets.

They decided to attack Cheron VI during the time that Ed Ryan was there. His wife was pregnant with their second child, and he had harassed and harangued Hague until finally Hague had given him a leave 'just to shut Ed up!' As Ship's Avatar, I knew all incoming and outgoing communications, so I knew that Ryan spoke with his wife nightly, and that he wanted more than anything to be with her when she gave birth.

The Alexander was half way across the universe when we received notification from the Guides that Cheron was under attack.

Hague immediately began requesting information, and soon realized that the most intense fighting was occurring in the district where Ryan's family lived. For all of his faults with me, Hague-Master was extremely loyal to his crew, and soon we were blazing across the universe, hoping that we wouldn't be too late, but knowing in our hearts that we would be.

It took us three days to get there even with the jump gates. The Alexander was flying faster than any Shadow Vessel was able to do so safely and still I urged him "Faster, faster, faster!"

We arrived too late, as the Guides and our allies had crushed the rebellion thoroughly, and they were cleaning up the area. Upon our arrival into Cheron space, we were greeted by the Grand Inquisitor, Galen. The Grand Inquisitors were the secret police of the Guides, searching for and rooting out any hints of subversion or rebellion and so Hague was noticeably uneasy about meeting with Galen.

Yes, Galen. The Grand Inquisitor, even now I remember how frightened I was that Galen might notice me.

But, yes, even Hague-Master feared to meet with Galen.

One never willing met with a Grand Inquisitor, even if they offered amnesty and promised no harm would come of the meeting.

Galen was a tall man, with bright piercing blue eyes. He wore his implants proudly, for the Inquisitors were the first among equals among our allies. His people were the first to ally themselves with the Guides, and had proven their trustworthiness time and time again. Unlike the Avatars, who had been created as weapons by the Others, there was no doubt about his race's loyalty.

His implants were utilized to enhance his natural abilities, while the ones I wore controlled my animal nature, assuring my complete and unquestionable loyalty to our Guides. It was especially after meetings with the Grand Inquisitors that I cursed my ancestors the most for having been fool hearty enough to believe the Others. The Others had modified them, and then when their experiments failed due to the inherent genetic flaws among Telepaths, my ancestors had been cast aside.

Hague met him in the landing pad, and I was ordered to attend to Galen's every need.

"Don't worry. I'm not on an Investigation, Lt. Colonel. Least not an investigation of which you need to be concerned with. The Guides informed me that your ship had arrived, and they requested that I speak with you. You had a crew member on the planet?"

Hague's face blanched when he heard the word "Had", and I felt my heart skip a beat also.

"Yes. Is he?" Master was unable to finish his sentence, and Galen suddenly realized what Master didn't want to say as though speaking it would be would make it a reality.

"No - he's not dead. But your officer was gravely wounded, and ..."

"His wife? His son?"

Galen looked at my master, and I saw the truth in his cold blue eyes.

"Oh damn it, they died?"

And Galen nodded.

Ryan returned to the Alexander, and I was told, bluntly by Master-Hague to stay far away from him. "He doesn't need to look at you constantly, because seeing you will just remind him how your people killed his wife and children. Do you understand me?"

"Yes, Master."

Hague grabbed my hair, and pulled it, so I was standing on my tiptoes.

"You will not do a damn thing to him, do you understand me? You're not to even breath if you're in the same room as him. If I find out that you've increased his pain by the smallest amount, I will make you live to regret it and you'll wish you were as lucky as those Teeps on the planet, because they're all fucking dead. Do you understand me?"

"Yes, Master. I do. I do."

"If he wants you whipped and flogged throughout the hallways of this ship, I will do it willingly. Ryan's got unbelievable talent when it comes to logistics and deployment of forces. He easily could make it to the top ranks of command, except right now, Eddie's not too sane. Can't blame him after seeing his wife and children shot in front of him. This is how your people act, a sneak raid on a colony, where they killed the women and children, even if they're newborns. Cowards, that what your people are."

He stopped pulling my hair, and then he hit me hard across my face. His strength sent me reeling across the room, and I hit the wall hard. Crumpling to the floor, I tried not to cry from the truth in his words.

"Bitch. That's what you are, and all you'll ever be."

Carefully, I avoided Ryan, not wanting to intrude on his pain. He wasn't back into the crew rotation, as he had to recover physically, mentally and spiritually from the events of Cheron. The Alexander's Assassin often shadowed me during this time, judiciously warning me if I was heading toward an area where Ryan was located.

While I dodged him, I was also shunned by the crew of the Alexander, as they blamed me for what had occurred on Cheron. I could have tried to convince myself that I wasn't at fault, but deep in my heart and soul, I knew the truth. Regretfully, I put away the small trinkets that he had given me, knowing that as an animal, I didn't deserve his presents.

My people had done this, and I was guilty also. My attempts at hiding from everyone, except when on duty, appeared to anger a few of the Marines. The group of men followed me, harassing me, and threatening me because of what had occurred on Cheron. I fled from them, until one day when I found myself trapped with no possible escape route.

They began verbally accosting me, and then the youngest, who seemed to be trying to earn points with the others, twisted my arm behind me. It hurt, and I cried out in pain.

"Did that hurt, bitch?" His voice was rough in my ear. Twisting it further, he ordered me to answer.

"Yes. Hurts."

The other men laughed in delight, and they egged him on, urging him to hurt me just a little bit more.

"Please. Please stop. It hurts," I begged him to stop, knowing that it was futile.

The Marine continued twisting my arm, and I began weeping from the pain when suddenly there was a sound of an impact, and the Marine collapsed to the floor. When my captor had fallen, I had been taken by surprise, so I had toppled to my knees. Looking up, I found my rescuer was a gaunt Ed Ryan, who had a livid scar running down one side of his face. His eyes blazed with anger, and in his left hand, he had his officer's cudgel with which he had used to attack the Marine.

"She asked you politely to stop, Manpell. Repeatedly." Ryan growled. "You know, my wife asked them to stop hurting her."

Silence spread throughout the room, and you could have heard a pin drop. A few of the Marines flushed, and stared at the floor.

"Maggie begged, Maggie pleaded, and they wouldn't stop, because only animals inflict pain like they did on a living entity. They enjoyed hurting her, just as you delighted in hurting her. I always took pride in the fact that we Humans were better than the Unleashed, because we weren't animals. She begged them to stop," Ryan's voice was raw with emotion. "Pleaded them to do anything they wanted to her, just let the children go. And you know what? They didn't listen. They just kept hurting her until she died. You're a fucking Animal, Manpell. That's all you'll ever be, and in my eyes, you're no better than the Unleashed who killed my family."

Hague was suddenly in the room, and I knew what was going to happen next. I would be blamed for what happened, and I would soon be weeping from pain.

"Ed? What happened. Did she start something?" The contempt for me was obvious in his voice.

"No. They tore her shirt, Hague. She kept begging them to leave her alone, and they wouldn't. They're like a pack of rabid dogs, Bill. Nipping and biting, trying to pull her down so they can rip her throat out."

"Ed. Why don't you come with me," Hague phrased that as a request, but he was trying to get Ryan out of the room. His dark eyes suddenly fell on me, and he made a quick motion to me. "You, too."

He snapped his fingers at the Ship's Assassin who had arrived just moments behind him. The Assassin-Monstrosity's eyes were ice cold, and I feared him as he always looked at with something more than lust in his eyes. There was a weighing, calculating look in his eyes that made me think that he had something planned that involved me. After he had finished training me, he never inflicted pain. I feared him as I knew that he thought that he had been doing me a kindness, by schooling me using the Assassin pain-pleasure techniques. Once I had 'graduated', our unions were extremely pleasurable, but he never spoke to me, and when I was finished being flown, he'd ignore me completely.

The Monster wouldn't kick me out of his bed, letting me stay and sleep for as long as he thought necessary before he decided to free me. I'd be leashed and lying in his bed, secretly terrified of him, and I'd hear him sharpening his weapons in his work room.

"Yes, Master?" His voice was smooth, and the Monster looked deceptively angelic.

"Punish them."

"Master. I'm an Assassin, not a jailer," Monster-Morrison's voice was horrified.

"Do it, Randy," Hague-Master's voice brooked no disagreement.

"Yes, Sir!"

"Ed, what happened?" Hague was using his softest voice with a rather jittery Ryan.

"They've been following her for days, wearing her down, and then when they trapped her, they hurt her. Repeatedly. She can't even use the arm, Bill. She repeatedly begged them to stop it, and they still kept hurting her."

"Ed, some of the people on this ship are ... angry about what happened on Cheron." Hague commented.

"Then they can just imagine how I feel after living through it. Those damn animals may have human like intelligent, even look like us, but they're completely lacking in anything resembling humanity."


"Don't Ed, me. Those Marines are just like the Unleashed, except they're worse, do you know that? They're suppose to know better and act accordingly. Telepaths are fucking dangerous, Bill. The only reason she's safe is because of the implants, but you push her too far one day, and she might willingly make that one small error that sends this ship straight to hell. We know it's happen, they can call it Avatar Error as much as they like to, but you and I both know that the Avatar decided to commit suicide and took the crew and ship down with them. Remember the Hera, Bill."

" Ed..."

Ryan sighed. "She needs to go to Medbay and get that arm examined but knowing our kind and compassionate Dr. Kyle, he won't do a damn thing."

"Come here," Hague ordered, so I did so quickly, but not without some trepidation. "Move the arm."

I did so, while Hague poked and prodded at my arm, and he declared it not broken.

"She'll be stiff for a while. You know, Ed, I have an idea of how we can keep the crew from bothering her."

"How?" Ryan asked warily.

Hague then gave me to Ryan, for his own personal use. "Use her how ever you want, but just make sure she's on duty when I need her. She stays in your quarters and under your supervision except when she's required elsewhere."

"I don't need an Avatar, Bill."

"Ed, she'll be your goddamn nurse. You shouldn't be out of bed, and you know it. Now get back to bed before you fall down."

Ryan left Hague's quarters, and I was once again warned to be on my best behavior with Ryan.

"If Ed wants you; you're to do anything he wants. I know you're quite the talented Avatar with regards to that subject matter, especially since you graduated Morrison's class with honors. Eddie wants to hit you, let him. I don't care what Ed does to you, just you make sure that you behave yourself, or else I'll make sure that you do."

"Yes, Master."

"No. I'm not your Master anymore. Ryan's your Master, and you better serve him better than you have me. I expect all of your stuff out my quarters by 0800 tomorrow morning."

"Yes." I assured him. It wouldn't be difficult, as I had only a few changes of clothes, and not much else. Any of my truly personal belongings I had long since hidden on the Ship. A few small things, of value to no one but myself.

Entering into Ryan's quarters, I tried to surreptitiously look at my new quarters. There were numerous pictures on one shelf, of a woman and small child, and I guessed immediately that they were of his wife and son. My Master wasn't as neat as my former Master as there were books everywhere.

"Not much to look at," Ryan told me. "But I guess since you're my new live-in maid, you'll make sure everything is neat."

"Yes, Master."

Ryan flinched. "I particularly hate that term. We'll have to think of something else for here, but outside these walls, you'll have to call me that. Take your shirt off, and let me look at your shoulder."

Sliding out of my shirt, I carefully folded it and put it on a clean part of his table. Even though I was quite used to standing shirtless in front of Hague, I found myself nervous that Ryan was looking me over. His eyes were expressionless, and he ordered me to let him look at my shoulder.

"Yes..." I almost responded with an automatic 'Yes, Master' and Ryan laughed quietly.

My new Master stood behind me, and gently palpated the shoulder, while I winced in pain. His touch was deliberate and considerate, as though he was reluctant to give me further pain. Tersely he commanded me to move my shoulder according to his instructions.

 "Ok, I'll agree with Doctor Bill. It doesn't appear to be broken. The bed is over in that room."


I found his bed, and I saw that there was another picture of his family on the table next to the bed. Feeling uncomfortable, I finished slipping out of my clothes, making sure that they were folded neatly, so I could wear them tomorrow. Ryan walked in on me, and he suddenly flushed.

"Don't you wear anything?" My Master asked me.

"No." I admitted that softly.

"That's going to change, immediately."

I slept alone that night, waiting for my Master to join me, and he didn't. As per my orders, I would have willingly submitted to any indignity that he craved, but he slept on the couch.

The next day found him quickly removing my personal belongings from Hague's quarters. He seemed surprised that I had only a few items. "That's it? There's nothing else?"

"No, Master."

Hague nodded his head in approval of my response, and I felt my stomach clench. Even with my Master here, it would be easy for him to hurt me once again. Would my Master turn down a request from his commanding Officer for a few minutes of my time?

"I'm married." His face turned pale, which made his dark mustache stand out more than it normally did. "Actually, I was married, and she never would have had only five changes of clothes, a few pieces of underwear and two pairs of shoes. Don't they think she deserves a coat?"

"She's an Avatar. She's doesn't require much maintenance." Hague helpfully offered that to Ryan. "She doesn't need a coat as she's never allowed off the Alexander."


Ryan never touched me, and he soon moved a second bed into his quarters, necessitating him to rearrange his quarters. In a way, I found his obvious lack of enthusiasm for physical contact with me disturbing. Hague didn't have a problem, nor had the others that had enjoyed me, but my new Master didn't even look at me. The only person who flew me now was the Assassin-Monster, who always dutifully asked my Master's permission first.

That was odd, as the Assassin-Devil had never asked Hague.

I shouldn't complain as I had a bed to my own, with soft sheets and pillows, but... still I wanted more.

He was on an away team, and I was linked with the Alexander when I heard that there were Rogue Telepaths storming their site. The Alexander and I always kept a careful watch on my Master when he was away from the ship, not wanting our negligence to cause him further injury. It was a bitter skirmish between the two forces, and in the process, several civilians were killed, including a women and her children.

Hague showing far more compassion than I could ever give him credit for, met my Master when he returned to the ship. The two of them retired to Hague's ready room where Hague held an Irish debriefing, complete with copious amounts of alcohol. An Avatar is not supposed to eavesdrop on private conversation, but still I did. He was my Master, and I was... worried about him. I had to stop listening when he broke down in heart wrenching sobs, while he talked about finding the bodies, while Hague whispered at him to let it out.

I scurried back to his quarters, wanting to make sure everything was clean and neat, so that nothing would upset him further. Then I sat for hours waiting for his return. Hesitantly, I greeted my Master when he finally walked into his quarters, and I found myself even more worried about him. His face looked haggard, and his eyes were red-rimmed.

"You heard, no doubt. I'm taking a shower, then going to bed after taking a few of these magic pills that Kyle pushed off on me. Supposedly I take two of them and I won't wake up for the next two days. Ah, sweet, blessed oblivion."

Master showered quickly, and then went to bed. He was soon asleep, and I felt the strong desire to console him. Was it not an Avatar's responsibility in life to take care of her Master? Knowing his wishes and desires better than he himself did?


I stripped out of my clothes, and I crawled into bed with him. He was sleeping on his side, so I curled up to him, placing his hands around my body before I, too, went to sleep.

I woke in the middle of the night, while my Master was gently kissing my neck and then he began nuzzling my ear. His voice was slurred, and dazed, but still he spoke tenderly to me.

"I had the worse dream. You were dead, and I was alone. It was horrible."

His hands were playing with my body, and I suddenly realized that my Master thought I was his wife. For never had anyone touched me as carefully as he was doing so now,  focusing on giving me pleasure and enjoyment. I have had sex innumerable times with numerous partners, full of wildly acrobatic and lust filled movements, but never had I experienced the hesitancy and the tenderness of being touched in love. All he wanted was his wife's enjoyment, and to love the mother of his children.

I was an animal, who deserved to be abused and hurt, and never to be treated with such obvious care and love. My people were the ones that had killed his wife and his family, and my Master had been decent to me, never striking me for my inadequacies or belittling my ineptitude and incompetence. He continued whispering soft, barely comprehensible words of his love and devotion to his dead wife, each of which wounded my heart like the slice of a dagger.

I gasped when he suddenly nipped my neck. Gently, he kissed away the pain he had caused, and he snuggled closer to me.

"I love you so much, that if anything happened to you, it would be like my soul being ripped in two, Maggie." He began kissing my face, slowly, running his hands through my hair, and I hoped that he wouldn't realize that I wasn't his wife. "You're so quiet tonight, Maggie Mae, I hope I didn't disturb you telling you about my dreams. It just scared me badly, as it was so realistic. I had this gaping hole in my heart and... Dearest, don't cry."

Gently he began kissing my silent tears away, and he whispered at me again not to cry. "Don't be upset with me, please."

I shook my head, knowing full well that what was about to occur was incredibly wrong, but not having the courage or the knowledge to safely end it before it began.

"Good." My Master began teasing my body, using his hands and his mouth to explore me. His touch was like fire, and I felt a liquid pool in my belly which was spreading warmth through out my body. Delighting in teasing me, my Master taunted me with a slight touch there, and soon he was kissing his way down from my neck to my breasts.  His questing mouth latched on each nipple, delighting in sucking them and teasing them while I squirmed underneath him.

I arched my back, trying to get more of his touch, which seemed to amuse him. His slow deliberate seduction was new to me, that instead of wild, frenzied passion, it could be incredible at this slow and intense pace. He laughed softly, his callused hands rubbing my nipples that seemed to be glowing with a white fire.

"What's got you so nervous and wild tonight? It's like this is your first time, Maggie. I'll never hurt you." Ryan's voice was still slurred, but not quite as badly as when he had first begun to kiss me.

His hands were rubbing against me, and I felt my body begin to shake in desire and need.  I gasped, when my Master suddenly entered me, filling me completely. Shifting his weight, he was soon lying on top of me, kissing my face as though savoring my taste, all the while gently rubbing his body against me. It wasn't fast and furious, instead it was a slow crescendo of passion that was filling me to the brim.

He held onto me tightly, whispering that he loved me, how much he adored our children, and how beautiful I was, while we both exploded in a climax like none I had ever experienced.

I waited until my Master fell asleep before I started again to cry. For after having briefly tasted something so ethereal and fragile, I knew that I would taste nothing but ashes ever again.

That's not a happy story, Lyta.

I know, little one. But it's true. Happy endings are for children's stories, not for Avatars.

So what happened to poor Lyta-Avatar when her Master woke?

She stroked my face gently, and smiled.

Shhh... you need to sleep. What happened, happened, and that's another story.

What happened?

He was... angry... with himself. But that's another story full of sadness, for animals such as you and I are never meant to be happy. Now, little one, tell me your story...

{1 And so it Begins} {2 Captain-Master & Executive Officer} {3 Captain-Master & Assassin} {4 Battle Fatigue} {5 Story of an Avatar} {6 Story of a Captain-Master} {7 Interlude} {8 General-Master & Assassin} {9 Babylon 5} {10 Lines are Drawn} {11 Alliances are Made} {12 Seeds of Rebellion} {13 The Storm Breaks} {14 Battle of the Light Brigade} {15 "Theirs but to Do and Die"} {16 "Valley of Death"} {17 "Jaws of Death"} {18 Finale}

{The Main Gate} {HomePage} {Wytches World} {We are Family} {A Little Artistic Licence} {No, we don't mean "A"riadne} {Our Home Is Our Castle} {The Witches' Diary} {Witches Familiars} {The Gateway} {Webrings}